You know how they say you have to have rain to make a rainbow? Well I am so glad for the rainy days.
My rainy days weren’t just early pregnancy loss though / not being able to get pregnant, but a general lack of sunshine in my life, or that’s how it felt! At the time I thought it was children missing, I’ve since realised I was missing so much more than that.
However, I was lucky enough that my sunshine walked in to my life in the form of a 6 foot 2, fun-loving, positive, charismatic ball of energy called Tony, and I remain thankful for him every day 🥰
So my story is 2 definitive parts, before Tony, and after Tony.
Before Tony
Let’s just say, there were far more rainy days than sunny ones! Not only was I in the wrong relationship, where we were both unhappy and clearly didn’t match, we were trying for a family which wasn’t happening. After 3 years of feeling like a failure as a woman for being unable to fall pregnant, or being unable to sustain a pregnancy past a few weeks, we finally realised it was time to go our separate ways. We were truly incompatible in so many ways, I now feel so grateful that we didn’t have a child together, although the me at the time, going through month after month of 2 week waits and single lines and disappointment and heartbreak would not have seen that back then!
After 8 years we both finally realised that neither of us provided the the type of love or support the other needed. It was still a scary decision to part ways, but certainly the right one. Luckily, I didn’t have too long to wait to see why.
After Tony
This is when it gets good! Really good!
They say that ‘when you know, you know’, well we knew! Maybe it was because we were both older, being in our early 30s we both knew what we were looking for, or at least what we weren’t, maybe it was the fact we were both ENFP’s (the start or the peas-in-a-pod), maybe it was fate or maybe it was luck, either way, I am forever thankful that we ended up chatting. I knew within a couple of messages, this man was someone special 🥰
We connected on a level like I’ve never experienced before with anyone, and didn’t think was even possible! But we were so in sync right from the beginning, Tony was everything I could have wished for in a partner. He made me feel myself again, it was easy and natural, I felt comfortable in my own skin because he made me feel I was enough. He was just as in love with me as I was him, and we both knew how each other felt because, well, we just knew. This is the real deal.
My little same wavelength personality pea!
Tony, January 15th 2019
Things moved quick, but only because they felt so right and so natural too, it was like we should have always been together, and in a way I already think of us as having been, even though as I write it’s only been 10 months. By 2 months in we were calling each other Wifey and Hubbie,and it felt totally normal! We had a couple of drunken conversations in the early hours about running away to elope and just be married (which I totally would have done, if I didn’t also want the whole big dress princess for a day thing!)
Our timeline
- 11th Jan – first message
- 16th Jan – first date
- 14th Feb – official couple
- 21st April – moved in together (officially)
- 27th April – Tony met my parents
- 20th August – found out we’re pregnant
- 13th October – I met Tony’s parents
That’s how fast your life can change. In the last 10 months mine has done a complete u-turn. I’m not even close to the same person I was a year ago, and it’s hard to believe how much has changed – there’s pretty much no way I’d have believed someone telling me all this would happen a year ago, when I was where I was then.
But it won’t stop me giving you the same advise if you need it! No matter how bad you think things might be at any point in time, it’s unbelievable how much can change in even just a few months (see the above timeline!) so keep your chin up, follow your instinct, and trust that what is meant to be will be.
Love and Peas,
Danni, HapPea Mum-to-be
xxx
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